Leading from Your Wounds or Leading from Your Scars

Leading from Wounds vs. Leading from Scars: Why It Matters for Healthy Leadership

Introduction

A few days ago, I was sitting with one of our coaches and they said a very interesting statement that just resonated with a lot of coaching experiences I have had over the last couple of years with pastors and leaders. She said, "a leader can either lead out of their wounds or they can lead out of their scars." Let's face it, every leader carries a story. That story often includes pain — rejection, betrayal, loss, or failure. The question is not whether you’ve been wounded, but whether you are leading from those open wounds or from healed scars.

There’s a big difference: wounds bleed on the people you lead, while scars tell a story of healing, resilience, and redemption. Let’s explore the dangers of leading out of wounds, the power of leading from scars, and practical steps to ensure you lead from a place of health.

The Dangers of Leading from Wounds

Leading from wounds means allowing unresolved pain and trauma to drive your leadership. This can show up in several ways:

1. Emotional Reactivity: Wounded leaders often misinterpret feedback as rejection or dissent as betrayal. Studies of educational leaders show unresolved wounds deeply shape identity and can push leaders toward crisis when left unaddressed (ERIC Journal).

2. Fear-Driven Leadership: Wounded leaders grasp for control, micromanage, and resist delegation because of fear of being hurt again. This creates toxic cultures of fear rather than trust.

3. Projecting Pain onto Others: Instead of leading teams forward, wounded leaders unconsciously punish others for their own insecurities.

4. Burnout and Isolation: Managing both leadership responsibilities and unhealed wounds is exhausting. According to Barna, 42% of pastors considered quitting full-time ministry in 2024, citing stress and isolation as major factors.

5. Erosion of Trust: People can sense when a leader isn’t whole. Over time, trust erodes, staff morale drops, and organizations stall.

Scripture Insight: “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” (Psalm 147:3) — God’s desire is not for leaders or team members to remain in their pain, but to walk in healing.

The Strength of Leading from Scars

When you lead from scars, your leadership becomes redemptive rather than reactive.

1. Empathy and Compassion: Scars remind you what it feels like to hurt, but you’re able to walk with others without bleeding on them.

2. Humility and Authenticity: Sharing your scars (wisely and appropriately) builds trust. People don’t follow perfection; they follow authenticity.

3. Resilience and Steadiness: A scarred leader has endured storms — and brings calm strength in crisis.

4. Generative Wisdom: Scars transform pain into wisdom that can guide others through similar challenges.

Scripture Insight: After the resurrection, Jesus showed His disciples His scars (John 20:27). The wounds no longer bled, but the scars told the story of sacrifice and victory.

Practical Steps to Lead from Scars, Not Wounds

Here are a few practical ways to shift from wounded to scarred leadership:

• Name Your Wounds – Journal or process with a mentor where your reactions are rooted. Self-awareness is the first step.

• Seek Healing – Work with a counselor, coach, or pastor to process pain. Healing doesn’t happen in isolation.

• Set Healthy Boundaries – Guard your margin, practice Sabbath, and learn to say “no.”

• Practice Vulnerability – Share scars, not wounds. Don’t overshare in the middle of bleeding; wait until healing has taken place.

• Forgive and Release – Bitterness keeps wounds open. Forgiveness is a spiritual act that allows scars to form.

• Reframe Your Story – Scars are not signs of failure, but of survival and strength. Let them serve as testimonies of God’s grace.

Real-Life Examples

• A Pastor’s Transformation: One pastor, wounded by harsh criticism early in ministry, micromanaged and shut down dissent. After counseling and coaching, he learned to respond with curiosity instead of defensiveness. His scar now helps him create safe spaces for others.

• A Business Leader’s Renewal: A CEO driven by perfectionism crushed innovation in his company. After recognizing his wound of “never being enough,” he worked through healing. Today, his scar enables him to lead with grace, allowing his team to fail forward.

Conclusion

The question isn’t if you’ve been wounded — every leader and person on your team has. The real question is: are you leading from your wounds, or from your scars?

Wounds left unhealed will harm both you and the people you lead. But scars, when healed by God’s grace, can become powerful testimonies that inspire, strengthen, and bring healing to others.

“But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds, declares the Lord.” (Jeremiah 30:17)

Leaders (or team members), don’t bleed on those you lead. Let your scars tell the story of redemption, and lead with strength, empathy, and wholeness.

Our team has dedicated their lives to coming alongside of leaders and organizations to help them accomplish the mission that God has called them to. We truly believe that Healthy Leaders produce Healthy Teams which build Healthy Organizations. If we can help your team be the healthiest team that you are designed to be, please contact us to schedule a Discovery Call to see how we can help! Cheering you on! Here's a infographic to summarize what it looks like to lead in a healthy place.