Let's Be a Solution, Not the Problem: Division is not the Answer

Division is loud right now. Scroll your feed, sit in a meeting, stand on the sidelines of a kids’ game—everywhere it can feel like people are looking for a fight. Lines get drawn that didn’t have to be there. Nuance disappears. We stop seeing people and start seeing “sides.”

So why are we creating divisive situations instead of leading with empathy and respect—and what is it costing us?

Below is a research-informed look at the problem, plus some practical ways to push back.

1. How Did We Get So Divisive?

a) We think we’re more divided than we actually are

Several large studies show that citizens in places like the U.S. believe the other side is far more extreme than it really is. That misperception fuels fear and anger, even when there is real overlap in values and policy preferences. Carnegie Endowment+1

When we assume “they’re all crazy,” we start reading neutral situations as hostile ones. A simple disagreement becomes proof that “people like you” are the problem.

b) Social media rewards outrage, not understanding

Research on social media and politics finds that:

• Exposure to political content online often makes people more antagonistic toward opposing views, especially in networks of like-minded users.

• Algorithms maximize engagement, and strong negative emotions (anger, fear, contempt) tend to get more clicks and shares than calm, nuanced dialogue. Council on Business & Society Insights+2JDS Journal+2

In other words: the systems we use every day quietly reward us for being divisive and punish us (with less attention) for being reasonable.

c) Declining empathy… and also some hopeful news

A well-known meta-analysis of 72 samples of American college students (1979–2009) found that self-reported empathy dropped about 40% over those 30 years, with especially sharp declines after 2000. PubMed+2Michigan News+2

Lower empathy makes it easier to treat people as categories instead of human beings.

The good news: more recent follow-up work from the same research program suggests empathy among young Americans has been rising again since around 2008, approaching levels last seen in the 1970s.Lilly Family School of Philanthropy+1

So we’re not doomed. But we’re living in a tension: powerful cultural forces are training us toward self-focus and outrage, even as many people want to care and connect more deeply.

d) Polarization erodes trust and cooperation

Studies on polarization and social cohesion consistently show that when people perceive society as deeply divided, they become less trusting of others and less willing to cooperate for the common good, even if actual policy differences are modest. PMC+2Sharia Journal+2

That means simply believing “we’re in an age of rage” can, ironically, help create it.

2. The Hidden Costs of Constant Division

Division doesn’t just feel bad—it’s expensive, personally and collectively.

a) In workplaces

Harvard Business Review research on incivility found:

• 98% of workers reported experiencing rude or disrespectful behavior at work.

• Half said it happened at least once a week. Harvard Business Review+1

Follow-up studies estimate that incivility and unresolved conflict cost employers hundreds of billions of dollars each year through turnover, absenteeism, lost productivity, and legal claims. Allen & Unger+1

That’s what happens when “us vs. them” is allowed to run the culture: people disengage, creativity drops, and talent quietly leaves.

b) In communities and democracy

Recent research on political polarization finds that rising division:

• Increases social segregation (we stop living, working, or worshiping alongside people who see things differently).

• Decreases trust in institutions and in each other.

• Raises tolerance for political violence and “ends justify the means” thinking. Sharia Journal+2Carnegie Endowment+2

When we habitually assume bad motives or treat disagreements as moral emergencies, it becomes easier to justify harmful words and actions.

c) In our own hearts

Psychologists point out that living in constant outrage has a cost:

• Chronic anger and contempt are linked to stress, anxiety, and burnout. Facebook

• Seeing conflict everywhere makes it harder to sustain close relationships, even with people who basically agree with us.

Division doesn’t just damage “the other side.” It hollows us out.

3. Why We Sometimes Create Division That Isn’t There

It’s not just that we encounter divisive situations—we often manufacture them without realizing it. A few common reasons:

1. Identity protection When a belief or group feels central to who we are, any question can feel like an attack. To protect our identity, we push people into “for me or against me” boxes.

2. Fear of uncertainty Studies show that intolerance of ambiguity is linked to stronger polarization; not knowing makes us anxious, so we cling harder to our group and demonize the alternative. ResearchGate+1

3. Storytelling shortcuts Our brains love simple stories: heroes vs. villains, good vs. evil. Complexity is tiring. So instead of saying, “This is complicated,” we say, “People like you are the problem.”

4. Emotional contagion If our feeds, families, or workplaces are full of sarcasm and outrage, we unconsciously mirror that tone. Over time, a normal disagreement about ideas becomes a personal, moral standoff.

4. Empathy & Respect Are Not “Soft” — They’re Strategic

It’s tempting to think of empathy and respect as nice add-ons, secondary to “speaking truth” or “winning.” But research suggests they’re actually core strategies for healthy, effective communities:

• Empathy is associated with greater helping, sharing, and volunteering—exactly the kinds of behaviors that strengthen neighborhoods, organizations, and civic life.Health+1

• Respectful disagreement preserves long-term relationships, which is where influence really happens (you don’t learn much from someone you’ve written off as an enemy).

Civility doesn’t mean pretending differences don’t matter. It means we refuse to dehumanize people over them.

5. How Do We Choose Empathy Over Division in Daily Life?

You can’t fix the entire culture, but you can change the atmosphere around you. A few practices:

1. Slow the story down Before reacting, ask:

2. Lead with questions, not assumptions Try:

3. Name shared values out loud “We may land in different places, but it sounds like we both care about fairness/safety/dignity.” That simple sentence can lower defenses and turn an argument into a problem-solving conversation.

4. Practice “double listening” Listen not just to the position (“I’m for/against X”), but to the pain, fear, or hope underneath it. People feel seen when you respond to what’s at stake for them—not just to the words they said.

5. Refuse cheap shots No eye-rolling emojis, no subtweeting, no exaggerated caricatures of “people like them.” You might get fewer likes, but you’ll do less damage.

6. Model healthy disagreement in your circles In your family, team, or community, normalize statements like:

7. Curate your inputs Follow at least a few thoughtful voices you disagree with—people who argue in good faith. If your information diet is 100% outrage, division will feel normal. You can change that.

6. A Better Question for This Cultural Moment

Maybe the question for our time isn’t “Who’s winning?” Maybe it’s:

“What would it look like to tell the truth and protect the dignity of the people we disagree with?”

We don’t have to deny real harm, avoid hard conversations, or pretend all views are equally wise. But we also don’t have to manufacture enemies, escalate every difference into a crisis, or treat contempt as courage.

Every time you choose empathy over automatic suspicion, and respect over easy division, you quietly push against a very loud current. It won’t trend on social, but it might just change the room you’re in—and over time, that’s how cultures shift.

7. The Church Must Lead the Way: Truth Without Trenches, Conviction Without Contempt

If there is any community that should model how to hold deep conviction without deepening division, it’s the Church.

Jesus never avoided the hard conversations. He also never weaponized them. He stepped into complicated, emotionally charged environments and consistently did three things:

1. Held to truth without compromise

2. Extended compassion without condition

3. Invited people into restoration, not retaliation

Somehow, we’ve drifted toward a cultural moment where the loudest voices equate boldness with hostility, and conviction with combat. But the New Testament paints a different picture:

• “Speak the truth in love.” (Ephesians 4:15)

• “As far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” (Romans 12:18)

• “Let your gentleness be evident to all.” (Philippians 4:5)

The Church has a sacred opportunity right now

Not to shrink back. Not to water anything down. Not to retreat into safe ideological corners.

But to step into the tension with:

• Courageous clarity

• Compassionate presence

• Counter-cultural humility

• A commitment to unity in essentials and grace in non-essentials

The world is not looking for a church that hides from hard issues. It’s looking for a church that shows a better way to disagree, reconcile, heal, and build community across differences.

Division is the mission field

The more fractured the world becomes, the more the Church’s witness matters.

This moment calls for leaders and congregations who will:

• Create safe, honest conversations about tension-filled topics.

• Model healthy disagreement without demonizing those who differ.

• Resist the pull of political tribes that demand allegiance at the cost of love and integrity.

• Champion dignity for every person as an image-bearer of God.

• Show what forgiveness, patience, and reconciliation actually look like in real relationships.

• Hold firm to biblical truth while holding wide space for people who are seeking, hurting, or wrestling.

• Address injustice boldly without resorting to bitterness or contempt.

This is leadership — and it’s discipleship.

Being “in the conversation” is not compromise

Silence is not the same as faithfulness. Avoidance is not the same as holiness.

When the Church steps out of the cultural conversation, the loudest and least loving voices step in. When the Church chooses presence, wisdom, and relational courage, the culture gains something it desperately lacks: a non-anxious, non-divisive, spiritually grounded example of how to live differently.

The world needs a Church that will stand in the gap — not widen it.

Difference makers, not division makers

Imagine if the Church reclaimed its role as:

• The peacemakers Jesus blessed

• The reconcilers Paul commissioned

• The ambassadors of a kingdom not built on power plays but on sacrificial love

• The community where truth is spoken, grace is extended, and people encounter Jesus in the way we handle conflict and complexity

This is not idealistic — it’s deeply biblical.

And it’s exactly what this cultural moment is crying out for..