Loneliness Isn’t a Leadership Badge… It’s a Health Crisis

Tracey Smith
Nov 13, 2025
5 min read

“It’s lonely at the top.” It’s a phrase leaders repeat so often it starts to sound noble… even inevitable.

But it’s not. And if you’re leading from a place of chronic loneliness, it’s not just painful—it’s dangerous for you, your family, and the people you lead.

This article is about refusing that narrative and choosing something better: leading from a healthy, connected community on purpose

Loneliness Isn’t a Leadership Badge… It’s a Health Crisis

In 2023, U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy issued an 85-page advisory declaring loneliness and isolation a public health epidemic. The advisory notes:

About half of U.S. adults report experiencing loneliness.
Loneliness and social isolation are linked to about a 30% increase in risk of premature death, comparable to well-established risk factors like smoking and obesity.
Higher loneliness is associated with increased risk of heart disease, stroke, dementia, depression, and anxiety.

This isn’t a “soft” issue. It’s a health issue. It’s a leadership issue. It’s a humanity issue.

Leaders Are at Even Higher Risk

Research shows leaders often carry more loneliness, not less:

A Center for Creative Leadership study found 76% of executives experience loneliness, and 58% say it negatively affects their performance and decision-making.
Barna Group reports 65% of U.S. pastors feel lonely and isolated, up from 42% in 2015.
Half of CEOs report feeling lonely in their roles, and 61% believe it hinders their leadership effectiveness.

This is true across sectors—business, church, nonprofit. The faces change; the ache is the same.

Why “Lonely at the Top” Hurts Your Leadership

Loneliness isn’t just an emotion; it shapes how you think, lead, and make decisions.

1. Distorted Decision-Making

Leaders without trusted peers:

Second-guess themselves more
Over-rely on their own perspective
Become vulnerable to flattery, fear, or unhealthy advisors

Loneliness contributes to poorer judgment, impulsive decisions, and isolation-driven blindness.

2. Increased Burnout & Exhaustion

Lonely leaders:

Carry unshared emotional weight
Lack a safe place to process stress
Are more prone to unhealthy coping behaviors

Over time, emotional exhaustion can lead to moral fatigue, physical breakdown, or ministry collapse.

3. Relational Drift at Home and Work

Loneliness leads to:

Irritability and emotional withdrawal
Lack of presence
Avoidance of feedback
Disconnected relationships with spouse, team, and church

Ironically, loneliness creates behaviors… that create more loneliness.

Scripture and Science Agree: You Were Made for Community

Whether you’re in a faith-based or marketplace context:

“It is not good for man to be alone.” — Genesis 2:18
The church is described as a body—interconnected and interdependent (1 Corinthians 12).
Neuroscience confirms: connection is essential for mental, emotional, and physical health.

Leadership calling does not cancel the human need for connection. If anything, it increases it.

7 Proactive Steps to Prevent Loneliness as a Leader

You cannot always control how many people understand your role—but you can control whether you build intentional community.

1. Name It and Normalize It

Loneliness grows in the dark.

Say it to someone safe: “I’ve been feeling more alone in this season of leadership than I want to admit.”

Honesty is the first step toward health.

2. Build Your “Circle of Three”

Every leader needs 2–3 peers who are "FOR" them:

Are in similar leadership roles
Don’t report to you
Aren’t impressed by you
Know the real story
Not your spouse

Create consistency: a monthly call, quarterly meet-up, or annual retreat.

3. Join a Structured Peer Community (Stop Leading Alone)

High-trust, well-facilitated leader communities are one of the strongest antidotes to loneliness.

Marketplace Leaders

Iron Forums — https://www.ironforums.org/
C12 CEO Groups — https://www.joinc12.com/join-a-forum/

Church & Nonprofit Leaders

Aaron Hur Group Cohorts — https://aaronhurgroup.com
LeadingSmart Gatherings (use discount code AARONHUR200) — https://www.leadingsmart.com/gatherings
Global Leadership Network Communities — https://www.globalleadership.org/

Women in Leadership & Pastor’s Wives

NEXT | Coaching for 1:1 coaching, cohorts & events — via Aaron Hur Group
Leading and Loving It — https://leadingandlovingit.com/

These communities surround you with peers who understand your role, your challenges, and your world.

If You're Facing Burnout

Contact Blessing Ranch (emotional, spiritual, and leadership wellness) — https://blessingranch.org/

You don’t have to wait until you break to get help.

4. Clarify Relational Boundaries

Not everyone should carry everything.

Board/Elders: Governance and mission—not emotional processing
Staff: Respectful, healthy relationships—not your deepest fears
Congregation/Public: Appropriate transparency—not confessional vulnerability
Peers/Coach/Cohort: The safest space for honesty and processing

Healthy boundaries → healthy connections.

5. Put Community on the Calendar

Intentional rhythms matter:

Weekly: One meaningful, personal check-in
Monthly: Peer group, cohort call, spiritual director, or coach
Quarterly: Half-day retreat or leadership reflection
Annually: Leadership or spiritual retreat focused on renewal

If it’s not scheduled, it’s accidental.

6. Strengthen the Home Front

Loneliness is often amplified by relational drift at home.

Reset:

Tech-free evenings
Weekly connection rhythms
Open conversations about emotional health
Honest updates about pressure and stress

Healthy homes create healthy leaders.

7. Invite Professional Support

If loneliness is wrapped in anxiety, trauma, burnout, or emotional fatigue, leaders benefit immensely from:

Coaching
Counseling
Spiritual direction
Medical support

Seeking help isn’t weakness. It’s wisdom.

How to Choose the Right Leader Community

When evaluating a peer group, cohort, or leadership community (AHG, C12, Iron Forums, LeadingSmart, GLN, NEXT | Coaching, Leading and Loving It):

Look for:

Confidentiality & Safety
Role Alignment
Values & Mission Alignment
Structured Facilitation
Proven Transformation & Stories of Change

Healthy leaders grow in healthy community.

A Better Sentence: “I’m Not Leading Alone Anymore.”

The Surgeon General has made it clear: loneliness is a serious health risk. Research shows leaders are among the most vulnerable.

But you don’t have to accept that narrative.

You were designed for connection. Your calling does not require isolation. Your influence doesn’t need loneliness as a prerequisite.

How the Aaron Hur Group Can Help You Lead With Strength, Support & Clarity

At Aaron Hur Group, we help leaders and organizations thrive by strengthening the three things that matter most: leaders, teams, and organizational clarity.

Here’s how we can help you build healthier leadership and a stronger community:

🔵 Executive Search & Staffing

We walk with churches, nonprofits, and faith-centered organizations to identify, vet, and place the leaders who best fit your culture and calling.

Searches include:

Lead Pastor & Teaching Pastor
Executive Pastor & Operations
Worship, NextGen, Discipleship, and ministry directors
Nonprofit CEO & Executive Director
Fractional & Interim Leadership

🔵 Executive Coaching

Customized 1:1 coaching for leaders who need clarity, confidence, and emotional/spiritual health.

We help leaders:

Navigate transition
Build healthy rhythms
Strengthen communication
Lead teams with wisdom
Recover after difficult seasons
Gain renewed clarity and momentum
Replenish | Life Planning

🔵 Strategic Planning & Organizational Alignment

We facilitate processes that help you gain clarity and alignment, including:

Mission, Vision, Values
Team alignment
Multi-site strategy
Succession planning (NEXT | Leadership Planning - 10 Year Planning that combines clear steps for the Leader & the Organization)
Leadership pipeline development
12–36 month strategic roadmapping

🔵 Leadership Cohorts (Peer Groups)

Safe, relational communities for:

Lead Pastors
Executive Pastors
Marketplace leaders
Nonprofit executives
Women in leadership & pastors’ wives (NEXT | Women Who Lead and NEXT | Pastor's Wives Gatherings)