The Kind of Leader Healthy Leaders walk Away From...
- Tracey Smith
- Dec 5, 2025
- 4 min read
The Kind of Leader Healthy Leaders Walk Away From
Recognizing Insecurity, Control, and the Cost to the Organization
After years of coaching leaders inside the church and outside the church, there is one thing I have learned - Not every leadership opportunity is a God-opportunity. I've had the opportunity over the years to work under some of the healthiest leaders I know and yes, I've had other leaders I would say I have learned from. So, the #1 question I get from leaders in transition or moving into a new organization is, "Does this church have a healthy leader?" That is a very important question that needs to be answered whenever you are considering a move.
One of the hardest lessons healthy leaders learn—often through experience—is this: Not all leaders are safe to follow, partner with, or serve under.
In particular, there is a specific type of leader that emotionally healthy, grounded, self-aware leaders eventually discern—and choose to walk away from. It’s the insecure leader who feels threatened when other leaders show up strong.
They may be talented.
They may be charismatic.
They may even be spiritually gifted.
But insecurity quietly shapes how they lead—and over time, it becomes destructive.
Why Healthy Leaders Notice This First
Healthy leaders don’t walk away quickly or flippantly. They value unity. They stay curious. They give grace. But they also recognize patterns.
Because healthy leaders:
Are secure in who they are
Don’t need to compete for influence
Believe leadership is shared, not hoarded
Know that fruit requires trust, not control
Which is why insecure leadership becomes impossible to ignore.
1. They Feel Threatened When Other Leaders Are Competent
Insecure leaders often say they want strong leaders around them—until those leaders actually show up.
When others bring clarity, insight, confidence, or credibility:
They subtly dismiss contributions
They interrupt or override input
They downplay accomplishments
They reassert authority unnecessarily
Instead of celebrating strength, they protect status.
Healthy leaders quickly notice:
My presence doesn’t multiply leadership here—it diminishes it.
2. They Confuse Control with Unity
Insecure leaders often frame compliance as alignment.
You’ll hear language like:
“We need to stay unified.”
“Now is not the time to question.”
“This is the direction God has given me.”
But beneath the language of unity is fear—fear of losing control, relevance, or influence.
Healthy leaders know:
True unity is built through trust and dialogue—not pressure and silence.
3. They Avoid Accountability and Feedback
Insecure leaders are often untouchable.
They:
Spiritualize decisions to avoid challenge
Deflect feedback rather than engage it
Become defensive when questioned
Surround themselves with affirmers, not truth-tellers
Healthy leaders don’t need leaders who are perfect—but they require leaders who are reachable.
When accountability is absent, trust erodes.
4. They Measure Loyalty by Agreement
In an insecure environment, disagreement becomes disloyalty.
Healthy leaders notice red flags when:
Dissent is labeled divisive
Honest questions are met with suspicion
Different perspectives are quietly marginalized
Conversations stop happening in the room and start happening around the room
Ironically, the more a leader demands loyalty, the less safe people feel.
5. They Compete with the Leaders They Should Be Developing
Perhaps the clearest sign of insecurity is competition.
Instead of developing others, insecure leaders:
Keep authority vague but power centralized
Withhold information
Claim wins while deflecting failures
Feel the need to be the smartest voice in the room
Healthy leaders don’t need to win every conversation. They want the mission to win.
When leadership becomes a zero-sum game, their spirit begins to wither.
Why Healthy Leaders Eventually Walk Away
Healthy leaders don’t leave because things are hard. They leave because things are unsafe.
They recognize:
Growth is being stifled
Truth is being filtered
Calling is being constrained
Integrity is being tested
And eventually, wisdom speaks:
I can honor this leader… without staying under their leadership.
Walking away is not failure. Sometimes it is discernment.
A Better Picture of Leadership
Healthy leaders are drawn to leaders who:
Celebrate strength in others
Invite challenge with humility
Share authority generously
Lead from identity, not insecurity
Measure success by collective health, not personal control
Because the healthiest leaders don’t shrink when others show up strong.
They lead by saying:
“Bring your best. We’re better together.”
A Final Word
If you’re a leader reading this and feeling convicted—pause, not panic.
Insecurity doesn’t disqualify leadership.Refusing to address it does.
And if you are a healthy leader discerning whether to stay or step away, remember:
God does not call you to stay somewhere your integrity, voice, or calling must slowly disappear to survive.
Supporting Healthy Leadership Cultures
At Aaron Hur Group, we work with churches, boards, and nonprofits to:
Identify healthy leadership cultures
Diagnose relational and structural issues
Support leaders navigating difficult transitions
Build environments where leaders can grow—not compete
Better Leaders. Better Teams. Better Organizations.
If you’re sensing it’s time for clarity, we’d be honored to walk with you.
